Shared Sadness
by CelticFlame
Summary: Contains OOTP spoilers!!! In the aftermath of OOTP, Harry and others try to grapple with a tragic death.In a series of first-person vignettes, they try to cope. Features Harry, Sirius, Remus, Dumbledore, Etc.
1. Default Chapter

Title: Shared Sadness(1/?)

Author: CelticFlame(Sirius@black.org)

Rating: PG13

Category: Drama

Main Characters: Harry, Dumbledore, Sirius, Remus

Spoilers: Through OOTP, please don't read this if you don't want to be spoilered!

**DISCLAIMER:** This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

A/N

This just came to me after all the internet chat over OOTP. I skirt cannon in some ways, so you could say that this is mildly AU. It heavily spoilers OOTP so please be warned! 

Shared Sadness will be a series of first-person vignettes. The first is not labeled until the end, for emotional impact :) 

Please tell me what you think of this! Padfoot, my muse, is feeling quite out of sorts lately! Your replies will be the food that helps him to stay healthy and me to stay creative!

If you like this and would like to check out my other stories, they can be found at: 

Thanks for reading!

Bree

June 22,2003

Shared Sadness

Chapter One

Point-of-view of a young man, late teens

I had been watching him for some time now. I couldn't have guessed how long I stood immobile, watching the boy who so many adored and who so many violently hated. I would not have wished to trade places with him right now if someone had paid me a thousand galleons.

It had not made the papers. Either the Order or the Ministry had squelched any news of it. It would have made a juicy tale. The evil murdering bastard finally vanquished. It made me sick!

Remus brought me the news days later. He and I both knew that he had been avoiding telling me this devastating news. Excuses had been made, apologies given. I forgave him immediately. How does a man tell someone that their life has been inexplicably altered? How does a man shatter another person's hopes?

I didn't envy Remus either. I had tried to owl him for the last few months, but every missive was returned unopened. He must have been in his own private hell. We all had regrets but his were perhaps among the strongest, among the longest lasting. How could a man lose his best friends one by one? It had to have scarred him deeply.

The lone wolf stood solitary, hunched and mournful. His loneliness wrapped around him forever.

I shook my head in annoyance. I had not come here to ruminate about Remus. I had a more symbolic reason for being here. I had to lay my heart to rest. Remus had told me to go to Hogwarts, that Dumbledore would not make trouble for me. He knew what I had learned and what would never be recognized and understood my need to lay this to rest.

Slowly, I made my way to the main castle where the boy a few years my junior sat. His hand found the inlaid plaque of a giant dog and rubbed it absently. I could see the silvery sheen of tears on his cheeks and wondered if I should be intruding for a moment. Those thoughts quickly left me as I remembered my purpose. A deep breath helped to cleanse my mind and ease the agonizing pain in my chest.

I made my way closer, step by plodding step. Each one I took seemed to increase the tightness, the grief that threatened to overcome me. When I reached the stone steps, I could only sag boneless down next to the boy who lovingly stroked the plaque of remembrance.

"What do you want here? Go away!" his voice was needlessly harsh. I knew not if it was driven by pain or protection but in a strange way I understood. We were kindred. Our pain made us one.

I swallowed hard past the lump of pure agony in my throat. "I wanted to pay tribute to him." My gesture toward the plaque was cut off as the boy stood and whirled toward me. He was tall and regal as he pulled his wand out and just for a moment I wondered what it would be like to be him

"I don't know you and you haven't any right to be here!" He waved the wand around to punctuate a point, but otherwise did not threaten me with it. "Leave me alone. Just go away!" His voice quavered and tears threatened to fall again, washing his cheeks with their shimmer.

I felt a rush of guilt at seeing him in this state and turned away to give him time to compose himself. I needed time to get my emotions under control as well. When I turned back moments later he looked defeated, his wand hanging loosely at his side.

"I'm not here to bother you," I began, my voice threatening to break. "I'm here to honor him." My hand shook as I gestured to the plaque. "I won't bother you but I…. need a moment. Will you give a stranger that, Harry?"

He jumped guiltily when he realized that I knew his name but said nothing, preferring to scan the horizon. I had my moment but now that the time was near, I had no idea what to say and I just couldn't bring myself to speak what was in my heart with Harry Potter nearby. 

After minutes of struggling for the words, I finally pulled a flask out of my robes. "To you, Sirius Black. May you never be forgotten. May those that loved you never regret a moment spent with you." I downed two gulps of the single malt whiskey that Remus had told me was his favorite and soundlessly offered the flask to Harry.

Harry stared at the flask for a few moments, no doubt worried that I might have put a potion in with the alcohol. As he watched me, he slowly brought the flask to his lips and knocked back a healthy swallow. His eyes watered and he coughed slightly but otherwise he seemed to handle the liquor well.

"It was his favorite," I explained. "Remus told me where to find his favorite whiskey. I wanted…." There were so many things to say but I lacked the words.

Harry's eyes narrowed as I mentioned Remus but he didn't speak for a long time. We stood watching each other, his green eyes meeting my dark blue. As if we mirrored each other, we both shoved our dark hair away from our eyes. The too-famous scar marred his forehead. I flushed and looked away, ashamed for thinking that I wanted to be him for one moment. 

Harry Potter had not had an easy life. Yes, he had possessed the thing that I had most desired, but he had suffered for that in many ways. I wouldn't want to be him. 

Minutes passed. He tried to read something in my gaze that was not there and when he could not, his expression again turned hostile. I purposely made myself conceal the pain that I felt, the longing and ache deep inside me. I couldn't share it with him, not now, maybe not ever.

"You've done what you came here to do." His voice rang out. "Now go! Leave! You don't belong here! Who are you to him? Why did you come here?"

I turned away and began walking down the path. When I was a half-dozen steps away, I gazed back at him and swallowed hard, letting the emotion spill forth. "My name is Nicholas Black. He was my father, though he never knew about me and we never met." 

The words hung in the air for a few moments before I turned and began walking away from Harry. Tears streamed down my face every step of the way.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Shared Sadness(02/?) Author:CelticFlame(Sirius@black.org) Category:Drama/angst Keywords: Sirius Harry Remus Dumbledore Trio Rating:PG13 Spoilers:Including OOTP Summary: In the wake of OOTP, Harry and friends must cope with the tragedy. In a series of first-person vignettes, they reach peace and grapple with some shocking developments. Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.  
  
Author Notes:  
  
Here is chapter 2 of Shared Sadness. This fic just won't leave me alone .  
  
Shared Sadness will be a series of first-person vignettes. This chapter features Albus and Minerva, Harry and my new character Nicholas.  
  
Future chapters will feature Remus, Tonks, more from Harry and maybe even an appearance from Sirius looking down from wizarding heaven!  
  
Chapter one can be found here:  
  
Padfoot (My muse) and I hope to have chapter three for you before the weekend! Your replies are the food that fuels my muse. Won't you tell us what you think of it?  
  
Thanks for reading! Bree  
  
Shared sadness Ch 2  
  
Albus Dumbledore's Point-of-view  
  
Remus had forewarned us that the young man would be visiting soon. He had informed me of the man's loss and the complexity of the situation. Of course, I had heard of Nicholas before. Remus had chosen to arm me with this knowledge, even though neither of us expected that I would be able to rendezvous with young Nicholas.  
  
I had never expected for Merlin and the fates to be smiling down on me in such a manner!  
  
Minerva and I had taken to watching Harry as his made his daily visit to the plaque, watching unseen from behind the heavy glass as the boy endlessly grieved. This was a penance for us as much as it was a journey for Harry. And even though we were behind the heavy doors that led outside, we both felt as if Harry was comforted by our mere presence.  
  
Minerva and I were silent as we studied Harry. Our hearts went out to him as he coped with the sudden and irrevocable loss of Sirius. Ever since Hagrid had interred the plaque of remembrance, Harry spent more and more time here. Often, a snippet of conversation reached us as the boy continued to communicate with his godfather.  
  
She and I always felt the heavy mantle of responsibility toward Harry. The loss of Cedric had served to nurture his bitterness, but when Sirius died, his heart truly seemed broken. He had shunned his schoolwork, his friends and his life and seemed to live in a world of darkness.  
  
Minerva broke into my ruminations as she tugged my hand gently. "There, look Albus. Is that the young man coming to pay his respects?"  
  
My eyes focused on the figure as it stood watching Harry. The weight of his sadness and responsibility clung to him like a fur mantle. Minerva and I had seen him before many years ago, but the laughing baby that we had secreted away for his own good bore little resemblance to the young man before us.  
  
"I think it is, my dear." Even though my voice was hushed, it echoed through the currently empty corridors.  
  
"He looks so mature." Minerva's words were spoken in sadness. No child should have had to grow up the way Nicholas had. No child should have had to face the responsibilities and the grief that Harry had.  
  
"He does," I agreed softly. My hand tightened in Minerva's as young Nicholas began to approach Harry. He plodded closer until his features became clear in the still air.  
  
"I say," Minerva began in an awed voice, "he looks just like his father, doesn't he, Albus? It is downright unsettling." She shivered delicately.  
  
My arm slipped comfortably around her waist as I encouraged her to lean her weight against me without words. Our companionship had been nurtured over many years as friends and colleagues. Though we had tried to be discreet in the early days, our relationship and public friendship had matured into a comfortable and loving companionship. Our colleagues certainly never questioned it, nor were they likely to at such a time as this.  
  
Comforted by her mere presence against me, I began to study the young man approaching Harry. He had the dark hair and piercing eyes of his father, but also possessed an ethereal look about him that bespoke of his mother.  
  
The boy shook his head slightly, his lips tightening in a look that so thoroughly mirrored his deceased father.  
  
"He has much of Sirius in him, my dear." I remarked quietly.  
  
As he approached Harry, I sensed Minerva pulling out her wand. With a few soft words, the glass before us disappeared and Harry's angry tones drifted inward and assailed our ears.  
  
A shiver ran through Minerva. "He is so angry, so brittle."  
  
"With good reason." I replied softly. "He is coming to terms with many things in his life. The road for Harry would be hard even without.." I trailed off as the scene before us got more heartrending.  
  
Nicholas had such a broken sound in his voice as he told Harry that he wanted to pay tribute to Sirius. When Harry jumped up and waved his wand at those words, Minerva jumped. I held her even more securely to my side.  
  
"Harry won't hurt Nicholas." I fervently hoped that my assurances rang true to Minerva, because to my ears they sounded like the hopeful sounds of an old fool.  
  
"You have boundless faith in him." Her admiration for me shone in her eyes and I responded by dropping a none-too-chaste kiss upon her lips.  
  
"I have boundless faith in those who inspire such an emotion. Now hush."  
  
Nicholas seemed at a loss for words as he began his tribute to Sirius. I watched Harry's face instead; unable to bear the pain that I knew would be shining in your Mr. Black's eyes. Contemplation and confusion warred with emotion and protectiveness as Harry gave the other boy a few quiet moments. "A Gryffindor to the core." I commented quietly. "Even in death, Harry protects Sirius."  
  
"But surely he must know," Minerva added. "Surely he must see so much of Sirius in Nicholas. It is blatantly obvious that he is a relation."  
  
I sighed deeply. "Perhaps he does not wish to see that now, Minerva. It is much easier to hate than it is to understand." My words took on added emphasis as Harry again spewed forth his anger and pain.  
  
"And because he does not wish to see, he will never know the truth." Nicholas turned and began to walk away.  
  
"Perhaps they will surprise you." Minerva's hopeful voice brought a smile to my lips.  
  
And indeed they did as Nicholas announced himself, looked at Harry for a few long moments and slowly began to trudge away.  
  
"And so they did." I remarked as Minerva shimmered the glass into its former consistency.  
  
She pulled away from me and stood tapping her foot in annoyance. She opened her mouth as if to speak then shook his fist at me.  
  
"Do you wish to say something, my dear?"  
  
"Yes." She rounded on me and paced back and forth in front of me. "We must do something about this, Albus. We simply must! Both of those young men are hurting so much and we have the maturity and the care to help heal their heartache."  
  
I placed my hands gently on her shoulders and motioned through the window where Harry was now jogging toward Nicholas. "They are men now, Minerva. They will work out their difficulties and, I hope, become as close as their fathers were so many years ago." I paused for a moment. letting her watch as the two dark haired figures began speaking calmly.  
  
"Now come along and give them some privacy. They will show us the men that they have become. They will honor their fathers. Good luck Nicholas and Harry." 


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Shared Sadness (3/4)  
  
Author name: CelticFlame  
  
Author email:   
  
Category: Drama  
  
Sub Category: Angst  
  
Keywords: Sirius Harry Remus Dumbledore Trio  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Spoilers: SS/PS, CoS, PoA, GoF, OoTP  
  
Summary: In the wake of OOTP, Harry and friends must cope with the tragedy. In a series of first-person vignettes, they reach peace and grapple with some shocking developments.  
  
A/N  
  
DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.  
  
Author notes: I finally worked out a satisfying middle/end to this story. I couldn't quite figure out where I wanted to go with this, but all of a sudden it came to me, in a blinding sequel flash grin. Shared Sadness will become Sins of the Father shortly. I have a few other fics to update, but it shouldn't be long.  
  
If you haven't met my muse, say hi to the great big hulking dog munching on doggie treats and awaiting your feedback. Please tell us what you think by emailing us at or leaving some feedback here,  
  
Thanks so much for reading!  
  
If you like this and would like to check out my other stories, they can be found at:   
  
Shared sadness Ch 3  
  
Remus' Point of view  
  
I don't know how or why we found ourselves overlooking the castle. Tonks had thrown a concealing charm over us as we hovered on our broomsticks a short distance from the ground. We had both been very concerned about Harry and something compelled her to visit now.  
  
As we arrived, the concealment shrouding us, I spotted him. Nicholas. I breathed in sharply and Tonks gripped my arm.  
  
"Remus?" The tenderness in her voice was almost my undoing. I breathed deeply and closed my eyes. Some days it was just so very hard. I looked at them for just a moment before averting my gaze.  
  
"I know." I allowed. "He looks just like his father. As does Harry. My best friends embodied in their sons. My best friends. Gone." I gave her a long look, knowing that she, as well as the others, was worried about my moods and grief.  
  
I had to reassure her. She had so much on her mind..."I understand, Tonks. I have accepted this. In reality, we barely had him back." One of her arms began to wind around me before I pulled away and flew a short distance away from her. My chest was heaving and though it was silly, I didn't want her to see the depth of my grief. Even though we were dating, it seemed...an invasion of sorts. My feelings for Sirius were mine and too private for anyone, even the woman I loved as much as I had loved the great big black dog, my lover, my friend.  
  
She followed me, relentless to offer comfort for the moment. As Harry and Nicholas sparred, her hand reached out to grip mine and instead of flying away, I returned her tentative touch, trying to convey a wordless apology, but her mind was elsewhere.  
  
"I hadn't seen him for years." Her breath offered a speck of warmth for my cold heart. "But he looks so much like his father, Remus." She faltered and met my eyes slowly. "I miss him so bloody much. I never really even had him like my mum did. He was one of the good ones, Remus, and now he's gone. And I got cheated yet again."  
  
I nodded and offered comfort this time, taking her hand between mine. There wasn't much I could say and I had demons of my own lurking in the darkness.  
  
"It must have been so hard, she continued. "Telling Nicholas. So many lost opportunities." Her gaze sharpened on me. "You do intend to stay a part of his life, Remus."  
  
It wasn't a question that I wanted to answer at the moment. Though I knew that I had a responsibility to Nicholas, it was so blasted hard to look at him, knowing that Sirius was gone and that he never had a chance to know his father. And knowing my own secrets, my own losses, my own lost opportunities.  
  
"As much as my heart allows, Tonks."  
  
I was rarely this open with anyone. All too young, I had learned to hide my soul from the arrogance and cruelty of humanity. But Tonks...she was different. If I had a soulmate, she was it. Her acceptance of me was unconditional, her love boundless. I allowed that love to coat me like a healing balm, never letting Harry's anguish penetrate my soul.  
  
It hurt too much to watch them and I found myself turning my attention to the woman sitting astride her broom. "I think I need to go. I can't stay and bear witness to their pain." The little voice inside me whispered that it was my own selfish pain that drove me away, my own guilt, but I pushed that aside, committing each young man's face to memory and comparing their looks with those of their fathers.  
  
As the boys drank below us, I soared above the castle. For the briefest of moments, my eyes rested on Headmaster Dumbledore observing the sons of James and Sirius. I turned my broom and touched down on a hill a short distance away. Tonks landed beside me gracefully and pulled me into her arms.  
  
"I miss him so much, Remus. I won't let this opportunity go away." She snuffled against my shirt and my arms wound around her. She hadn't known Sirius as I had, but she was family in a different way than I'd ever been. Couple that with her bond to Nicholas and I knew that she was feeling torn between her emotions just as I was.  
  
Harry's voice traveled some distance to reach our ears and I felt Tonks flinch in my arms.  
  
"They'll heal." My statement sounded weak to myself and I knew that I didn't have the strength in me to convince her, to soothe her. "I'm sure they will. After all..." I trailed off. Now was not the time to share what I knew, what I failed could never happen.  
  
"Will they?" She pushed at my chest before staring off in the distance.  
  
"They will...it will just take time, Tonks." I assured. "Who knows? Maybe one day they'll be close friends."  
  
"Time, they have. Parental authority has been stripped from them before they even got the chance to know it." She turned to me suddenly. "Like it was for many of us. Curse him, Remus. Curse him and his followers for taking away so many. We have to find a way to destroy him for good."  
  
I nodded silently, knowing...well I couldn't tell her what I knew. It could upset the balance of everything. "I didn't want it to be this way, Tonks." Her approval meant so much to me...I had to tell her something. "You and I...we'll be a part of his life. Of both of their lives. An important part... I'll see to it that we don't lose this." I trailed off, unable to assure her beyond this. All the pieces had to fall into place and some key ones were still missing...or might no longer exist.  
  
No, that I could not deal with! I let out a huge sigh, very aware of my own cross to bear.  
  
"Never forget."  
  
"Remus?" Tonks' voice startled me. I turned to give her a small smile of reassurance.  
  
"Don't worry, I'm fine. "I squeezed her hand. "I promise. They'll be fine. As will we." I reached for her and wrapped her in my embrace. "Shall we go?"  
  
Tonks looked as if she wanted to say something, but just gave me a small smile and touched me tenderly. "You'll tell me your secret when you can. Until then, I'll wait." 


	4. The end!

Title: Shared Sadness (4/4)  
  
Author name: CelticFlame  
  
Author email:   
  
Category: Drama  
  
Sub Category: Angst  
  
Keywords: Sirius Harry Remus Dumbledore Trio  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Spoilers: SS/PS, CoS, PoA, GoF, OoTP  
  
Summary: In the wake of OOTP, Harry and friends must cope with the tragedy. In a series of first-person vignettes, they reach peace and grapple with some shocking developments.  
  
A/N  
  
DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.  
  
Author notes: Well, this is it. It is finally over. I hope you liked Shared Sadness. I really enjoyed writing it! Thanks so much for reading and keep  
  
If you haven't met my muse, say hi to the great big hulking dog munching on doggie treats and awaiting your feedback. Please tell us what you think by emailing us at or leaving some feedback here,  
  
Thanks so much for reading!  
  
If you like this and would like to check out my other stories, they can be found at:   
  
Shared Sadness 4  
  
Sybil Trelawney's POV  
  
I watched the events unfold around me as I sipped some tea. I had always known this day would come and with it, the events that could shape the rest of our lives. If the right path was followed, our world could be rid of the dark clouds that had brought strife and danger to our lives.  
  
If the wrong path was followed or if this was not the catalyst for bringing everything together, darker days were ahead. Surely, the first to be fall would be the marked one—Harry Potter. It was simply a miracle that he had not yet fallen, crushed under the heel of darkness.  
  
My eyes focused on the boys and then the ripple of magic that surely must be a concealing charm. One of the guardians had arrived to watch the beginning unfold.  
  
"Indeed," I smiled in his direction and glided over to my crystal ball. I waved a hand over it and chanted softly. The visions had been with me for days now and had not faded. Their intensity comforted me. The sacrificial lamb would save humanity.  
  
"Come to me, darlings..."  
  
The orb remained dark and I turned to my tea and studied the leaves. "No! This ruins everything." My heart beat rapidly in my chest and my hands shook as I again tried to find answers. This development spelled disaster for us all!  
  
I stepped away and meditated for so long that moonlight met my widened eyes when I again came to awareness. A helpful house elf had left me some food and I ate quietly, still trying to come to grips with what I had learned. It was incredible! It was impossible! I was drawn to my crystal ball once again. Further clarity might be found in its misty depths.  
  
"Come to me. Show me the way."  
  
I must have studied the cloudy crystal for hours again, but then the mists parted and I saw him. "Our savior... our sacrificial lamb...Harry." The poor boy looked injured but strong, grime-covered and shocked but still alive Alive? It was impossible!  
  
I began to rock back and forth, as images filled my head. Harry was there, of course. The other professors... a peculiar looking female and them. Six stood shoulder-to-shoulder, wands at the ready. I had suspected the end might be coming but this prophecy was much more than I had expected. This was far from the fuzzy images and obtuse tealeaf readings that had pointed the way previously. This was a vastly different and darker future.  
  
Words poured out of my mouth unbidden and I was chilled to the core when a prophecy I had last spoken nearly a generation ago poured out. "Six souls to save the world. Fate keeps them apart. Destiny brings them together to save the world. The darkness will bring them to hell. Their love can bring them back. Six souls to save the world. The sins of the father will not prevail!"  
  
Albus Dumbledore's Point of View  
  
I felt the chill rush through us as we sipped our midnight spirits. Minerva reached for my hand as all of the candles in our apartments burned out.  
  
Sybil Trelawney's voice boomed throughout the rooms and I sipped lightly, quirking an eye in surprise, but remaining calm otherwise. I had heard this prophecy once earlier, many years ago, along with the rest of The Order. The six souls to save our world had never been identified, but we all assumed that Harry would be the focal point. After all, he had defeated Voldemort in the past. Once, a long time ago, we had hoped that James and Lily would be the saviors. I shook my head to dispel that thought. There was not time to mourn the forever lost.  
  
"Albus? It is too soon. He's not yet fully grown, fully trained." There was an edge of uncertainty in her voice. I knew she was rather close to the boy. We all were. We owed him much.  
  
I rubbed Minerva's back and relit the candles with a careless wave of my hand. "Don't panic, my dear. What was started this morning begins. The fate of our world rests in the six souls to save the world. Fate has put this into motion."  
  
Minerva met my eyes in a long moment and I knew that she was making sense of the prophecy resurfacing. Such wisdom there. She knew what this meant and what was at stake. "Do you think...it has been so long and we've lost so many. Will they understand the summons? Do enough of them still live? And Albus, it explains so little. How can we be certain that the prophecy will be fulfilled?"  
  
I shook my head gravely. I did not have the answers she sought, not yet anyway "We will just have to be patient and wait, Minerva. The answers will come to us in due time."  
  
Sins of the Father will be posted very soon! Look for the sequel to Shared Sadness, featuring Remus and Tonks, Harry, Nicholas, Hermione, Ron, Severus, and many other wizards and witches, both old favorites and new characters. 


End file.
